TU39: Getting What You Want From Therapy – The Essentials Of A Therapeutic Relationship from Therapist Uncensored Podcast

Therapist Uncensored Podcast

Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP & Ann Kelley PhD

Episodes

TU39: Getting What You Want From Therapy – The Essentials Of A Therapeutic Relationship

38 minutes Posted Aug 14, 2017 at 3:21 pm.

-0:27 Intro Questions

Possibilities for Therapist-Client relationship (potential for harm from power differential in the relationship OR neural sculpting) – When choosing a therapist, be prepared to be changed by this new relationship. Therapists are permanently changed once attached to clients – mutual sculpting

–Old analytic model of psychotherapy – therapist as flat, neutral agent. Therapist actually can influence the client. Relationship as we know it now is not unidirectional – the most healing agent is the relationship in psychotherapy.

– How to pick a therapist – interview several

– What to do if you’re experiencing love, hate, disappointment, excitement, etc. in a relationship with your therapist The General Theory of Love – it’s normal to feel these feelings and it also may be essential to the healing agent

– Now that you understand these feelings are normal – what next? Talk about them with your therapist – express your feelings, then let process begin – However this experience may be regressive and if the therapist isn’t willing to help you may have to move on

– How to discern when emotional events are part of the therapeutic process of working through past trauma or when it’s harmful and retraumatizing

Discerning between healthy and unhealthy emotions in relationship Openness & willingness to talk through – Discomfort is part of journey towards healing

– Difference between feeling uncomfortable and actually being unsafe – Nesting Dolls – Problem of acting or thinking a certain way only around therapist versus outside the office

– Feeling safe, then feeling vulnerable when seeking advice in therapy

– Therapists need to follow the clients lead when someone comes in seeking career advice or a quick fix for a problem – If client isn’t ready or interested in deep processing we can move as quickly or as slowly as they need.

– Therapists want patients to find answer themselves, but often also want to be helpful – problem of giving/expecting advice

– Counter-transference – Therapists feelings get brought up – Therapy as an interpersonal dance

– Sue’s anecdote about the pay less price tag – compared to being in a family where you can’t name the embarrassing/traumatizing element in your life

– See therapist in a way that allows client to express emotions

– Empathy in therapists – don’t want to deny clients the power position in power differential

– As a client there’s a felt need to not have to take care of therapist in terms – expectation of a certain level of maturity, experience, intelligence, etc. ; have a bigger, stronger other that allows you to be “messy”

– How and why a boundary is important in a therapeutic relationship – need to feel safe – Frame (time, space, money) – Frame will not be broken

– Wrap up: All these thoughts & feelings are acceptable – Talk about them with therapist and if they can’t handle it then consider a new one – but first tell your therapist you’re frustrated and you’re looking for a new one, don’t just fire them – There’s a potential to deepen the relationship

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Show notes

IN THIS EPISODE:

Getting What You Want From Therapy: The Essentials Of A Therapeutic Relationship

Show Notes

Dr. Ann Kelley, Sue Marriott & Patty Olwell chat about the importance of building a strong therapeutic relationship with clients. We’ll discuss how feelings of love, hate, disappointment, excitement and more between a therapist and a patient are not only normal, but even potentially essential to working towards healing. They break-down counter-transference and how mutual influence works to help clients grow.

Timeline

Hope to have a different outcome than in the past – We can learn that we have difficult feelings or conflicts but it doesn’t have to end the relationship. It is possible to talk about and process these feelings with your therapist.

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